It didn’t happen all at once. People-pleasing crept in slowly, disguised as kindness, teamwork, and being “easy to work with.” It felt good to be liked. To be agreeable. To not cause waves.

But over time, I realized I wasn’t being liked for who I truly was—I was being liked for how well I could contort myself.

I shrank my voice in meetings. I overextended in friendships. I apologized for things that weren’t mine to carry. I made myself smaller in rooms where I should have stood tall.

At first, I thought it was humility. Then I realized it was survival.

Especially as a Black woman in leadership, I felt the unspoken pressure to be palatable. To not be “too much.” To overcompensate for other people’s discomfort.

But here’s the truth: People-pleasing isn’t kindness. It’s self-abandonment. And I’m no longer abandoning myself.

I don’t soften my truth to protect fragile egos. I don’t shape-shift to gain approval. I don’t shrink to soothe insecurity.

Now, I listen to my body. Now, I trust my intuition. Now, I speak up, even when my voice shakes.

Because I’ve learned that peace isn’t found in making everyone comfortable. Peace is found in standing in my truth. And I stand in it fully now.

I am not here to please. I am here to be free.